


Anodyne

by WindyQ



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Fluff, Give Killua the love he deserves he deserves so much fukin love!, Gonkillu - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Love Killua plz, M/M, Me back with my crack ass titles, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26709922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WindyQ/pseuds/WindyQ
Summary: “If Killua wanted to share a bed he could’ve asked. I never knew Killua was so silly.”He says it like that, but Gon is not stupid. He can tell something was wrong once the initial confusion had worn off, the way his friend looked sick, and how he shivered ever so slightly, and clung to him as if trying not to cry once he pulled him closer.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 13
Kudos: 184





	Anodyne

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Melon! 🍉 We were chatting, and they had a prompt request! Quote Killua has a nightmare and goes to Gon's room seeking comfort, winds up getting cuddles and kisses instead. End Quote. I know the prompt says he goes for comfort and gets cuddles and kisses instead, but, comfort also, cuz Killu bby needs it ok! And I know the others weren’t really that long, but I hope it’s still okay!

‘Kil. This is why I told you friends were unnecessary. Look they leave you behind.’

No... it’s not... all those darkened silhouettes walking away... they were an illusion! A trick! A trick...

“No! This is your doing!”

He whips around eyes darting around the hazy dark area, tinted purple and blood-red.

Spiderly long fingers land on his shoulder, and he flinches, stuck in place.

A finger goes to tuck one of his strands of hair behind his ear, whispering.

‘See, Kil? I just wanted to protect you, betray or betrayed, either way having friends leaves you hurt.’

“N-no! No!”

He brings his claws out slashing back only for another pale hand to grab at his wrist.

‘Hah, are you stupid?’

The same face, the same hair, the same eyes, as him, except dead cold and a smirk. He tugs trying to pull loose from the doppelgänger.

‘Do you really think anyone wants us?’

‘Do you really think we get a second chance? Do you really think we deserve this? No one wants you, stuupiddd, you’re a fool.’

‘Do you really think Gon actually gives a damm about you? A murder? A pathetic baby? How could he ever like someone like you?’

‘You couldn’t even save him.’ 

A painful kick in the chest sends him gasping for air, and his vision waning, the claws aimed at him this time, in one sharp instance.

His eyes snap open, claws really embedded into fabric, cold sweat sticking to his skin his hair and plastering his turtleneck to his body. Killua gets up slowly, drawing in his nails, and digging them into sliver locks.

He takes in the atmosphere of Gon’s room ever the same, staring at some leftover bird crumbs near the edge of the room while he tries to catch his breath.

Killua’s fingers shake, and he chokes back a whimper, slowly getting up on shaky legs. They weren’t all-! 

This was No.. this was Gon’s home... even if he hates Killua... he’d still be here, he walks over staggering with each step, breathing labored, until he reaches the foot of Gon’s bed.

He’s still there. His blanket was half off, skewed about to the side, and he was drooling, and he was there. Killua’s heart feels light for a moment before it takes a dip, a painful stab. But this was his home. Killua grips at his shorts, until his knuckles turn pure white in shade, and his lip trembles.

Just go back to bed dumbass.

Go. Back. To. Bed.

He lowers his head, drawing his fingers from his shorts to the sheet of Gon’s bed before lifting himself up.

What the hell is he doing?

He just...

“Gon?”

His heart is beating and his mind is racing. His heart aches. He’ll leave soon, just a minute, just one.

When there isn’t a response Killua drops down into the bed, and snuggles closer, pressing his forehead down on Gon’s chest. Just a minute. He listens to the beating of his heart, his eyelashes heavy, and they slip shut for a moment.

Gon stirs, his chest felt oddly heavy... like when a cat would sleep on top suddenly...

He peels his eyes open, white fluffy hair the first thing he notices. He blinks once, twice a couple more times before rubbing his eyes.

Huh?

“Killua?”

Gon shakes the boy lightly who in an instant jolts up, all the color draining from his already pale complexion. Had Gon still not had a grip on his shoulder Killua probably would’ve jumped halfway across the room.

Gon yawns, looking at the other boy in confusion, eyes half lidded.

“Killua? What’s up?”

If somehow possible Killua goes paler and Gon becomes actually concerned for his health and pushes the other boy back down.

Killua’s mind is racing and his eyes are darting looking for excuses, he had tried to wake up Gon, once, to be fair, but he’s much too worried about how Gon will react? Will he hate him?

“Killua?”

Before Killua can think of some elaborate lie, Gon tugs him close again, and Killua closes his eyes, breathing out heavily.

“If Killua wanted to share a bed he could’ve asked. I never knew Killua was so silly.”

He says it like that, but Gon is not stupid. He can tell something was wrong once the initial confusion had worn off, the way his friend looked sick, and how he shivered ever so slightly, and clung to him as if trying not to cry once he pulled him closer.

Gon knows he can’t force it out of Killua though.

He lets Killua keep silent, running featherlight touches across Killua’s back, pressing his face into Killua’s hair sighing in contentment.

Gon doesn’t stop or let Killua escape even when the boy writhes until he can hear his breathing steady, and his body stop shaking.

It isn’t long till after Killua tugs away and sits further down near the edge of the bed.

Gon’s eyebrows furrow when Killua pulls away, wrapping his arms around himself, closing off all over again. Like in the morning when Aunt Mito would make them breakfast, eggs, pancakes, toast... Killua would say nothing of the matter and shove a pancake full in his mouth if Alluka asked him is he was okay.

She’d yell “Big Brother!” In annoyance, and once Killua was done trying to chew and swallow the monstrosity of flour and sugar he would give a catlike grin, and that would be it.

“Killua...”

Gon lets bare feet hit the ground jumping off the bed, he pads on over to a drawer pulling something out. Despite having pulled away from Gon Killua feels colder the moment Gon leaves the bed, and he tugs the sleeves of his blue turtleneck down to warm exposed wrists.

Gon strides back over, purposely sitting down so he’s closer to Killua, making the younger fidget and back up slightly.

“I was going to wait! Until that one holiday! The one Aunt Mito says you give the girl you love all kinds of gifts and attention! I tried telling her she didn’t understand, since Killua isn’t a girl! The rest of her explanation was right though!”

“Wha- what are you talking about you idiot?!”

Killua felt warm again, very warm, too warm, his cheeks on fire, and his stomach like a volcano of butterflies, his heart beating at a pace not natural.

“I’ll give it to Killua early though! I don’t want him to be sad!”

Killua’s two seconds from passing out in confusion when something hideously green and fluffy is shoved in front of his nose. Killua stares almost going cross-eyed, before slapping Gon’s arm, so he can remove whatever the hell this is away from his face. 

Gon obliges, and places it down in Killua’s lap. Killua picks it up slowly, it was... a teddy bear, the size of a book, very basic looking, minus the green hue and... was that a bow with Nen markings on it...? It definitely looked like the same symbols etched onto the ring for Greed Island... and Master Wing’s promise thread too.

Killua looks dumbfounded blinking slowly, lips parting. “What is this?”

Gon gives an equally stupefied look, glancing around the room before looking back at Killua, tilting his head like a lost puppy.

“Killua doesn’t know what a teddy bear is?”

Killua clocks Gon on the head, his right eyebrow twitching.

“What! Of course, I do! I meant what’s with this? And the aura?”

Gon whines rubbing the back of his head before grinning.

“I imbued my Nen into it! So that way when I’m not there Killua will always feel safe and be protected!”

“And that!”

Gon points to the marked bow.

“Is so if Killua ever uses Nen on it I’ll know and come save him!”

Killua really can’t question the logic on how a stuffed bear would protect him, or how breaking a Nen thread would alert Gon, but maybe he’d rather not know... Gon could get pretty creative when he wanted. He’s honestly too busy being flabbergasted to care, his face as bright red as the color symbolizing the day Gon had planned to give this to him.

“Wh-?! That’s so embarrassing!”

Gon looks confused again rubbing the back of his head.

“It... is?”

Killua’s nerves feel as frazzled as his hair, but he does tug the stuffed bear closer to him and then to his chest, making Gon light up the room better than an actual light can.

“Does Killua like it?”

Killua blushes, blue hues darting up and down timidly, he presses his nose and chin into the bear, mumbling...

“I-I do...”

“Yay! I’m so glad!”

“It’s even green! Because Killua always likes putting his face against my chest, so I thought it would remind Killua of my jacket!”

“Wh-?! I do not!”

He presses the entire bear into his face, locks of puffy white hair sticking up above the plush.

When did he ever do that? Expect a few minutes ago?!

Gon laughs, and it’s melodic to Killua, and he turns even redder, so much so that it might just be somehow changing the color of the teddy bear entirely.

He quietly and quickly shuffles around, the sheets getting tangled up in his legs, and he holds the bear close to his chest, closing his eyes.

“...This doesn’t mean you’re gonna leave, does it?”

He loves the gift more than anything. It’s warm, kind and soft like Gon, and he felt safe with the aura, because it’s Gon’s... but... it also strikes a cord of fear in Killua, so much so that he can’t help it when his eyes start to burn and his throat constricts.

“Killua?”

Stupid. Stupid. Selfish! He can’t force Gon to stay with him... he doesn’t even deserve him...

He should be cherishing this time, before this time when it’s Gon’s turn to ask to split instead... who would want someone always there following them around like a stray cat?

He sobs quietly, biting down in the middle of his thumb when they threaten to come out to loud, the only real sign he was crying was by the way his shoulders shake just minutely in the moonlight spilling from the window.

“Killua...”

Killua just holds that stuffed animal closer and closer like this object was all he had left of Gon... he quickly clambers off the bed, shaking his head, not facing Gon’s direction.

“Let’s just get some sleep...”

“Killua.”

He is starting to hear the flat determination of ‘I get what I want’ in Gon’s tone, and he slumps down to the floor, quickly diving underneath the blankets.

He tugs it all the way up until only his eyes and forehead are visible, and he stares at the moon. The cold lonely moon...

“Killua.”

“Ugh! Just go to sleep, Gon!”

He’s snapping as a defense mechanism, tear tracks sticking to his cheeks.

There’s dead silence for a minute, and Killua is left unknowing how to feel. Relief? Should he be happy? Gon was dropping it...

Until he hears footsteps and Killua inhales a shaky breath.

“Gon, it’s fine! I was being stupid and selfish, so just... go to bed and forget it.”

“No.”

Killua breath hitches. Of course, Gon has to be stubborn.

Killua closes his eyes hoping he can feign sleep, even as he feels a strong hand on his shoulder pushing him over, he doesn’t budge, he doesn’t want to open his eyes and see those beautiful eyes of Gon’s holding disappointment or hate.

He’s jerked up before he can react arms still holding onto the plush. Curiosity kills the cat. He flutters his eyes open to meet Gon’s, feeling sick to his stomach. Of course, he looks sad. His supposed best friend begging him to stay when he had been the one to split in the first place...

It’s not too late. He can make it right. Then Gon at the very least won’t hate him.

“Gon- look I’m sorry.”

“No.”

Killua flinches, sinking down, biting his lip hard, so he doesn’t cry.

“Killua is stupid.”

He was right, of course, Killua knows it.

“Killua deserves to be selfish, and he won’t let himself be... that bear isn’t a replacement for me. I won’t leave Killua.”

Gon gently traces alongside Killua’s cheek, the younger left confused and eyes blown wide open.

He brings his head down, kissing Killua’s forehead, nose and then capturing his lips, before the other can really even respond.

Killua sobs into the kiss letting it be muffled by Gon’s warmth before the other boy pulls away, tugging Killua into a hug where he does find himself aligned and engulfed in Gon’s chest and hears a sing-song tone above.

“See? Killua does like hiding himself in my chest!”

...

“Owwww!”

Gon rubs at his forehead whining as Killua huffs turning over, and burying himself in blankets again. He makes sure to tug the bear closer sending one last glare at Gon.

“Killluuuuaaa! Come on! I was joking! Killluuuuaaaa!”

“No way! Stuuuuupiddddddd!”

Gon eventually slumps back in his bed, whining still, and if he happens to see Killua looking a little more happy than usual than normal when waking up, sees his putting the futon away, and then fondly placing the teddy bear on his desk, or hugging it once before he leaves, Gon doesn’t say anything.

**Author's Note:**

> I kinda hate the start of this cuz idk nightmares writing em lol idk how idk I don't love any of my work tbf but I am proud of it if that makes sense 
> 
> This is for you! Majesty Melon! I hope it wasn’t too much of a let down cuz I want nice things for you too. Thank you Melon for always being so frikin supportive of me and always leaving the nicest reviews on my fics and letting me rant and loving Gonkillu as much as me! Love ya you little knucklehead! 
> 
> There isn’t enough Gonkillu in the world to sate me. Yes there’s a lot of Killugon, but Gonkillu I’m thirsty for content. I need Killua being loved and protected and always carried thank you.
> 
> There will never be enough for me! Cuz IMM THIRSTY FOR KILLUA BEING LOVED AND PROTECTED! 
> 
> Killua deserves love! Add me on my discord if you wanna chat or RP with my Killu WindyQ#6831 or here’s tumbles as per the usual! http://windyqs.tumblr.com/
> 
> Also if you love Gonkillu I will give you my heart I know they tech the same ship, but also it isn’t, and I need more Gonkillu in my life, so if you have any Gonkillu requests I am open to listening. Yes, yes. 
> 
> And if happen to kudos/comment/even give it the time of day by reading! Thank you so much I will give you my first born child, and my right kidney 😭❤️🤧


End file.
